Prom

Marc and I had the amazing chance to crash a party, and all we had to do is dress up like we were going to prom. Not that I really went to my senior prom for very long (sorry mom) but I had a lot of fun nonetheless. This time though, I really cut lose and had a great time. It could have helped that this prom had an open bar, crazy enough, both of us could have been the designated driver. We had a crazy good time, and my knees hurt from dancing all night the next few mornings.

It did make me feel nostalgic for the before baby years when we would go out nearly every weekday night after work and find a show and dance the night away. I wish we could still do that at least once a month now. Now we have to have those conversations about life uninterrupted on the phone while he is on his way home from work or in a hotel room many states away. I know that we are in the trenches again with baby number 2, and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We recently found a great teenager we trust completely with our kids, so I foresee a few nights in the future out acting like wild kids again, which gives me a huge sigh of relief.

love

love is one of the most amazing things in the world.

goals for the day

1. laundry (check, well, two loads, that is good enough)

2. dishes (check)

3. have smallest child have very public temper tantrum on public transportation. (check)

4. fill out paperwork for govt job that i might get- OMG there is so much frickin paper work here people. can i just give you my firstborn? that would be so much easier. are these people crazy? but, looking at the health care, it is soooo worth it. i can cover the whole family and pay less than i have ever paid. i hope this works out.

what a crazy day. i need the headache to go away.

digging through it

i am unemployed. i have been for almost a month and i am to collect my first check tomorrow.

so far unemployment has been a lonely, lonely life. marc was gone for the first three weeks, home on the weekend, trying to get it together, and then he would fly off for the next place. i don't mind it when he is gone. the kids and i get into a groove, but now that i am unemployed i do get more lonely than i ever thought possible. some days, if someone picks or drops off mr. f from school, i don't even leave the house. i have become the person you don't want to run into on the street, dying for a chat.

i have also found i am a terrible housekeeper, although mostly it is better than usual. i am trying to pick a corner, sort, purge, etc. but that is not enough. i worry constantly, and some days all i do is cry.

i have my third interview tomorrow, waiting to here back on the other two. i know that doesn't sound so bad, unemployed for a month, third interview... well, we'll see. i want to find something that i want to do, something that makes me happy, as well as pays the bills and allows for some extra savings. we had financial plans that were attainable, and i know it isn't my fault perse, but i totally feel like i screwed it up. i wish we wouldn't have gone out of town those few times or bought that new pair of jeans while i was employed. we have lived this poor before, but we have no space in case something happens, and that scares the crap out of me. christmas scares me. i want to be able to get my kids something lovely, but i fear we won't be able to get them anything at all.

i am grateful for a few things though: the ability to spend time cooking. really cooking and making good food. for a few weeks the kids and i were eating food that was fresh, never from a box, and completely from scratch. now that marc is home for a stretch i think i need to get back into it, and not fall into the same old habits. and the best part, is being there for the kids. mr. f has been going through a lot of stuff this year, and i think that me being home has helped a lot. i hate the we had to put him on drugs, but they have helped. and mr. d loves being with me all of the time. i have never had this chance to do this, and i want them to remember their stay at home mom time not of me in tears, but us having fun. so, every day i try to plan something that gets us out of the house.