transition

last night we had dinner, well more like a feast actually, at my mom's for mr. m's birthday. i made the raddest banana cake ever. i must say it turned out so yummy i even noticed dad snake another piece while no one was looking. i think i will make a simpler form sometime this week. it was that good.

mr. m starts his new job this week. i know it will be great for him, but i am still feeling nervous. he received a generous gift certificate for new duds from my mom and dad for his big day. so today we went through ALL of his clothes and threw out anything ever stained by food or missing buttons. it was fun to see him so excited about his clothes, and not fighting with me if i said, this one is too stained... he did it all himself. this transition from one life to the next will be interesting for the both of us. our shoes are now in the living room for both of us to go through, i didn't realize i had so many. he only has 9 pairs, including slippers, i have 21. why do i need so many shoes?? i have worn my flip flops every day for the last two weeks, and what do i think? i think i need a new pair of cute sandals.

this weekend though turned out to be nothing that i planned. declan wouldn't nap all weekend, and i am exhausted from just trying to put him down all day, and finally at 6:30 i succeeded, and now i want to take a nap myself. i think i am going to take a day off this week just to chill with the kids. i haven't really had the chance since i transitioned to the new job just to hang out at the house with just us. mr. m leaves for his first trip next week, and i would kind of like to be more prepared, it is like starting school i think. you want everything to be ready for your first day, books in place, clothes picked out. i am fully aware of how crazy things will be. i am sure i will feel lonely. that is what i am scared of the most.

one of the loveliest weekends ever

my first weekend post working at my new job.

come friday, i went home a little bit early, sat on the back porch and had a beer with my husband, and then we proceeded to clean the house. it was awesome. i did not crawl into bed out of pure exhaustion.

on saturday we went and picked up the oldest boy of the clan from camp (let's have a shout out to grandma for this one) he had a great time, but he definelety had some separation anxiety. he has been my best friend since we got back. we went out to dinner at kenny and zukes on saturday night too...

this is what i ate:

as for this place, i could have just gone there over the weekend and stayed in bed for the rest of it and feel satisfied with how i spent my time. this place was so absolutely lovely that i can't rave enough. the staff was great to my kids, they were great to us. it was so nice to be at a place that actually respected my kids. half of the places we have been lately it has been so, oh, 2 and 3/4. no, i am sorry, but my child is a full person. please people get a grip. if you wait on me, you need to be nice to my kids, and if you treat them less than human you don't get as good of a tip as if you treated them with respect and DID NOT snub your nose at them. yes, my kids can be a handful, the youngest needs to be entertained all of the time and has a hard time sitting still, but it isn't like i am going to super fancy restaurant with him either. we can't afford to eat like that!

anyway, kenny and zukes rocks. the food was great. f kept saying, there is no such thing as too much pastrami and kenny and zukes. and he is right.

yesterday cousin l came and hung out with us for the day, which was wonderful. those two get along really well, and they are mellow and i got a lot of things done around the house. i baked bread, puttered away in the kitchen and did some laundry.

then my mother in law came over, and my sister and her boy came to pick up l. we hung out outside, visited, drank iced tea and lemonade and ate a lovely picnic dinner (thanks mom-in-law!). it was lovely. as neighbors passed by we got to wave and chat and catch up with them. it was such a relaxing and lovely day. i couldn't have asked for a better one.

summer does rock.

this has been stuck in my head all day

New Job

just real quick....

the new job is great...

i am tired at the end of the day, but this is a lot of fun. i wonder if i will ever get sick of looking at houses. i really like the client interaction aspect. and my bosses are the coolest people ever. i get to wear flip flops to work!

another poem, more cleaning

This poet I knew once. We went to school together and spent a lot of time hanging out. He was one of those great friends that are boys and will never hit on you, but will give you a bad time for every boy you ever kiss. Of course we live in the same town, but now I have kids, and he is a poet.

SLOW DANCE

More than putting another man on the moon,
more than a New Year’s resolution of yogurt and yoga,
we need the opportunity to dance
with really exquisite strangers. A slow dance
between the couch and dinning room table, at the end
of the party, while the person we love has gone
to bring the car around
because it’s begun to rain and would break their heart
if any part of us got wet. A slow dance
to bring the evening home, to knock it out of the park. Two people
rocking back and forth like a buoy. Nothing extravagant.
A little music. An empty bottle of whiskey.
It’s a little like cheating. Your head resting
on his shoulder, your breath moving up his neck.
Your hands along her spine. Her hips
unfolding like a cotton napkin
and you begin to think about how all the stars in the sky
are dead. The my body
is talking to your body slow dance. The Unchained Melody,
Stairway to Heaven, power-cord slow dance. All my life
I’ve made mistakes. Small
and cruel. I made my plans.
I never arrived. I ate my food. I drank my wine.
The slow dance doesn’t care. It’s all kindness like children
before they turn four. Like being held in the arms
of my brother. The slow dance of siblings.
Two men in the middle of the room. When I dance with him,
one of my great loves, he is absolutely human,
and when he turns to dip me
or I step on his foot because we are both leading,
I know that one of us will die first and the other will suffer.
The slow dance of what’s to come
and the slow dance of insomnia
pouring across the floor like bath water.
When the woman I’m sleeping with
stands naked in the bathroom,
brushing her teeth, the slow dance of ritual is being spit
into the sink. There is no one to save us
because there is no need to be saved.
I’ve hurt you. I’ve loved you. I’ve mowed
the front yard. When the stranger wearing a shear white dress
covered in a million beads
comes toward me like an over-sexed chandelier suddenly come to life,
I take her hand in mine. I spin her out.
and bring her in. This is the almond grove
in the dark slow dance.
It is what we should be doing right now. Scrapping
for joy. The haiku and honey. The orange and orangutang slow dance.

-Matthew Dickman

Packing up my stuff

This poem has been in my fishbowl office for almost two years. I am going to miss looking at it every day.

Emma Howell

It Is the Morning of the Day of Bleach
— for Galway Kinnell


It is the morning of the day
of bleach, mid-month, day after
payday full moon & we are
cleaning the house gutting
the squash
preparing the soup for our
religion.
Soon we’ll go down to the water
to salt our selves clean.
Meanwhile I set pumpkin with
gergelin to boil. Meanwhile
I try to remember what my
mother showed me —
how lavender is the taste
of purity
and we grow it in herb
boxes to remember how we are
little girls and sleeping still
whispers this is the prayer of
safe homes, I live all day with
the Book of Nightmares in my ear
whispered toward my womb.
With nightmares my mother cradled
me to sleep. With nightmares I sing
I raise the bread I will eat all
week. Between assaults I come in,
my empty home lays hold of me, shrugs
my bags off, unchains my feet. The house
whispers calm yourself eat your bread
take your dose of nightmare sweet air.


- Salvador, Brasil, 2001

dmv

this morning i went to the dmv to update some car information before our trip, just in case we drive through philomath on the way there.

the rocker girl was working, the one i know my husband has a not-so-secret crush on... and i thought, i don't care what other folks think about the dmv. i love our neighborhood dmv. the wait is never more than 15 minutes, the people who work there are awesome and always so very nice, and my husband even thinks one is incredibly cute.

this morning i was in love with my neighborhood and the cool folks i hung out with this morning waiting in line.